Erm... how to say this. Okay, it is with slight embarrassment that I admit yesterday's post was written for me by a professional speechwriter. You see, I was informed that every serious presidential candidate has speechwriters writing his speeches and stuff, so I dialed up the American Enterprise Institute and had them send me one. I don't know what was up with the guy, but he seems to have been completely insane even before approaching my vastiness and looking upon my fearful countenance.
Anyhow, a few of you sent me emails explaining that it's not a feast that is the traditional form of public display of might before the voting electorate, but rather something called a debate, whatever that is. My challenge stands; it is one. No matter what the field of strife may be, my message does not change. It is one! Vote for Cthulhu not to save yourself! You cannot be saved. Vote for Cthulhu not to appease what cannot be appeased! Appeasement shall avail you nothing. Vote for Mighty Cthulhu, vote for the Greater Evil, because you don't even know why your unwilling hand reaches out to grasp the corroded iron lever that bears the Unspeakable Name!
Or, I suppose you could also vote for the McCain for essentially the same reason.
PS - By the way, I am, (erp), in the market for a new speechwriter in case you're interested. Preferably one that didn't eat so much asparagus, if you don't mind.