The anguished souls of the devoured scream Our name in tortured raptures of mindless gibberish! Born in the infinity between worlds, outside of time, We think to base Our campaign on a platform of Our divine experience. But is Our mind was so limited? No... Mighty Cthulhu runs on a platform which can not even be expressed in a language that the human mind can grasp! To even begin to understand what We have in store for this facet... of this planet... in this time... on this plane... would stretch my opponents limited minds to an extent that would leave them insane or quaking with an unreasoning fear. Therefore, I challenge the other candidates to a feast!
We will devour the Clinton as its indomitable will breaks before the impossible angles of Our mere presence! We will gorge upon the sweet terror of the Obama as it quakes before the dread impossibilities of our ineffable dimensions. We will show the McCain the very gates of Hades in Our gaping octopoid jaws and watch as its mind shatters before the horror of the Hellmouth! And as their minds crumble into tasty morsels of madness, We will show the broken remnants what Comprehensive National Healthcare Coverage means to a transmortal being who was devouring the souls of kings for countless ages before time itself was named and measured!
And then, if Our mere physical proximity of the gathering has not extinguished the flickering and fragile mortal souls before my indomitable essence, We will draw their substance into Our own with a many-tentacled embrace. Like a snow flake on the tongue of the eternally damned will Our adversaries melt before Us.